My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
