if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
