The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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