somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
