My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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