he told me I talked like a deaf person
birth control should be required to get into college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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