Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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