I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
