half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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