I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
