At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
