I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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