3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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