kristin has been a bad kristin
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
