I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
