he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
