So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
