Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize