Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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