i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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