When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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