when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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