I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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