i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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