Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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