Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
