im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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