my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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