Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
