what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
