i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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