Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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