tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize