The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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