I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
