i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
