oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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