You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
