You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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