Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He? As in you personified your dick?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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