Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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