He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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