8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
