you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
