girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
