There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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