i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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