Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
