Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize