I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
