this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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