no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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