i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
