you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
time to smoke my breakfast
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
