omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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