please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
