I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
