I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
