they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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