He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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