i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
