I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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