I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
